So long and see you on the other side!

Thank you dear reader, dear fellow blogger, dear accidental visitor and dear person redirected from the Russian furniture site. Its been a pleasure writing for you and the feedback has been heartwarming. A certain audience will of course continue to bemoan, the lack of futons and sales on living room storage. Sorry for the inconvenience, perhaps some day I can cater to you. As it turns out, this blog has run its course and I am pulling the curtains on it.

I started writing here, sometime in 2006, when I was still a teen and without citing any numbers, I will say that, that was a long time ago. My worldview has drastically changed since then. I have tried to grapple with it, as one does with growing up and I now yield.

 As an undergrad, I was so sure of things. I knew what I wanted, why and how to get it. I was convinced that if I stuck to the plan and if everything worked out, I would be happy. The problems were always, in my mind, extraneous and the struggle was to bring everything back to the dotted line. Much of the what was posted in this blog reflects this attitude. It has gradually dawned on me that I know very little. Even about myself, especially about myself. There is very little I can do to control my environment and the struggles are largely internal.

The not knowing, the randomness and the smudged-blurred organization of life activities has been hard to understand, yet makes for an exhilarating journey. I am trying to find my voice and a friendly space where I can belong. The past is absorbed, digested and is now muscle. My interest is in what comes next.

So here it is. As a record of the times past, I am retiring  'A Time Called Today'. Not that I blogged vociferously, had thousands waiting on my word and now I am leaving everyone unsure about how the dragons got to the mainland, what happened in winter and who got the throne. That is someone else. This is a ceremonial piece, if you will. And a private one, if anything.

Goodbye! And by the way, you can now read me at anushamannava.blogspot.com

Why do we believe that God exists?

 A little while ago, I read a rather intriguing piece on the existence of God, by Gary Gutting of New York Times, where he argues that an individual's expectation from religion defines whether or not belief in God matters. Gutting's theory is that an individual expects from religion, both, a fulfilling life and eternal happiness in afterlife, through salvation. To make a point, he assumes that a good, well-meaning, all powerful God exists and then reasons that such a God may not be able to grant salvation. Since God does not prevent suffering, nor protects us from the horrors of it (e.g. Holocaust), he states that we cannot know what God is capable of or what his reasons are. Therefore, salvation is not guaranteed. At this point, Gutting tamely concludes that either blind faith in God is needed in hope of salvation or a belief-less religion must be considered.

The entire discourse left me thinking. I haven't studied philosophy, but I agree that to be religious, a belief in God is neither needed nor does it naturally follow. All religions, with their model code of conduct, offer the faithful an incentive for adhering to the code, a punishment for not and a way to make amends. The interpretation of the code itself is subject to social, political and cultural mores. Across all religions, if one were to follow the code faithfully, yet never believe in God, there is no rule to say the incentive will be denied. A respectful, duty bound, church-going atheist, will reap as much as the very devout. Viewing religion as a way of life more than anything else, it can be concluded that a godless religion is perfectly possible.

Why do we then, want to believe that God exists? Gutting's explanation of expectation from religion, is far from satisfactory. Indeed as he concludes, God may or may not grant what a religion advertises. Salvation is in itself, hardly a good motivation. Who cares about afterlife, while we grapple with hunger, poverty, danger and heart-break ?

By common sentiment, an all-powerful, benevolent God looks over the shoulder, listens to the innermost thoughts, takes care of the littlest of  troubles and guards against feeblest of dangers. Unswerving faith and prayer can elicit His response and a painful pilgrimage can bring about a much needed miracle. This, is what I believe holds the key to why we believe in God.

I was reading an account of the White House activity during the Bin Laden killing. Vice-president Joe Biden sat in the room with a rosary in hand, when, one of the SEAL helicopters crashed and they lost the view from the drone. It may have come to be that one international disaster the country couldn't afford, entirely brought about by the president's decision. A helplessness felt by the eminently powerful, thousands of miles away from action. So he turned to the man next to him and said, 'Let's all go to mass tonight'. I think I know what Biden meant.

The idea of God as a savior is hugely comforting. That we are not entirely responsible for things around us and that this invisible super-power is looking over us all and that any situation can be helped by invoking Him. It is comforting too, to feel that there is a higher meaning and greater purpose that we are involuntarily a part of. Religion if anything endorses the existence of God and makes it easier to adhere to its tenets. Belief and fear, are easy deterrents. A need to rid ourselves of the burden of our decisions, actions and consequences thereof, is a compelling reason to believe in God.

I will not argue about the existence of God. If I can find within me the strength and will to be accountable for my actions, help myself out of trouble every single time and cultivate a sense of purpose without longing for a higher meaning then I will no longer need to believe in God. Or perhaps in some twisted way, that itself would mean finding God.

As of religion, I am banking on my sense of fairness and empathy to chart my own way of life. 

At that very instant
Of  dreamy vow-making
The little hem of the dress
In the clasp of the heel, broke the quiet 

At first there was only a little gasp
Then came stifled laughter,
Swish-swash of silk skirts,
Cluck-cluck of tongues

A hand reached out
Yet  ring-less
She was a deeper red
Her ankle throbbed, eyes welled up

Could they throw away this page,
Scratch out the line,
And put a poster over the crack?
He just smiled and gave her a kiss

The crowd craned their necks
Was it over? did he,did she ?
The Father only nodded
They were married the moment the bride fell.

Where does this take me
This road of slowly turning lanes
Of wishful plans, hushed murmurs
And desperately clutching at straws

What will they yield
These endless nights spent awake
In picking thoughts, then tossing away
A difficult arbitration, in steady decay

All I want, is to be free
To live the butterfly flutter of happiness
Readily indulge in every stray impulse
Assuredly step towards any prospect

If it must come to be
I have to train inwards, a discerning eye
Journey in pain, from weakness to strength
And reach the summit that is belief itself

At Seventeen

I never planned on making my blog a bookmark for all the delightful things I read , but so it now seems. On a recent episode of Simpsons, I heard this song as the credits rolled. Its called, At- Seventeen, by Janis Ian and captures the dreams, the need for approval and all things indispensable to a teen.

Here are a few lines,

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth 

This one song, I felt, reads better than heard. The lyrics can be found here

http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/atsevent.htm

My favorite lines however are from the very last verse 

"We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown"

I figure, we are always going to conjure fancy dreams and repent the unknown lives.

Only, at seventeen it is excusable. 

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

I came across a poem, which brings to my mind the image of a woman who is at once the one I think I could be and the one I really want to be.


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me. 

- Maya Angelou

On nature

Of what use is innocence, to one of many years
I seek purity, to reflect what is returned
Yet I have known guilty pleasure
A Macbeth scar hidden up my ear
So then, am I simply faltering
Or is it a  flawed moral
my flexible yardstick